After the new fence went up, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I’d walk outside, see how different everything looked, and feel that quiet ache that only change can bring. It wasn’t just the fence — it was the memories it stood over. So much of Rob lived in that yard… the way he worked, laughed, planned, and cared. I thought I was ready for something new, but my heart wasn’t.
Maybe that’s the strange thing about healing — sometimes it looks like stillness. Sometimes it’s not about moving on, but standing quietly until the memories stop hurting and start smiling again.
For now, I’ll let the garden rest. I’ll let myself rest too. Maybe, when the time feels right, both of us will grow again.
— DJFotoPerfect 🌸
It strikes me that the fence was erected by your neighbours – from the way it is constructed. Remember the old saying, good fences make good neighbours, and enjoy it.
Yes it was .. but they didn’t give me a lot of options or enough time to think about it. The old one was adequate but still it had to come down.
Hello Di. I’ve been reading a bit of your life story and of your deep loss. I found it very moving, admire your honesty in grieving and the emptyness that goes with it. It’s also been relatable to my own the past few years. There can be no set time when one gets over a loss, if indeed it can happen at all, that can only happen in your own time. I’ve found that those who haven’t experienced it, can be more difficult to talk to. No badness intended, it’s just natural I guess, going through life’s experiences.
I was happy to read though, of someone being a shining light to you, guiding you slowly and patiently, to a better place. Such a person can seem rare in this world, but that’s what makes them special. They are a true gem. Thank you for sharing, hopefully in some way by doing so, it helps a bit of your life and therapeutic to you. Just letting you know that your honesty and bravery is very much admired.
G.Mac.
Thank you, G.Mac — your words truly reached me.
Grief never really disappears; it simply changes shape, finding new ways to remind us of love and presence. I’ve learnt to stand still with it — to let the light return slowly through small moments, like this one.
I’m deeply grateful you took the time to read and connect. It means more than you know. 🌦️
— DJFotoPerfect
Thank you, Di.
One thing I’ve also noticed is the total love shown and the magic that it brought for you down the years. A small percentage in this world have really tasted that, the essence that true love brings, so whilst each day can bring varying degrees of hurt and pain, a little part of you can feel a bit blessed by that too.
As for the fence, you’re right. Even the slightest changes can be hard and daunting, must feel like a removal of memories to a degree, but allow yourself and the garden to grow a while. The memories of good times will always be there in you and in the future, will bring an inner warmth and calm instead.
G.Mac.
Thank you, G.Mac.
Your words mean more than you know.
That fence has always carried more than its purpose — it marked the years, the grief, and the slow return to peace.
You’re right, change can feel like loss at first, but the memories never left.
They just grew quieter — like the garden itself. 🌿
You deserve to know the full story behind that fence.
Thank you, G.Mac — your words mean a lot. You’re right, it was never just a fence for me.
That week I was so excited about my days off — ready for a bit of rest.
Then, coming home on Friday, my neighbour told me they’d be starting the fence next week.
It took my breath away when I realised — it was the same date, the same week, three years ago, that he passed.
I still remember saying to the guys next door, “Out of all the months — it had to be October.”
That week broke me more than I wanted to admit.
Sometimes I think about the size of my heart — just like my fist — how it could hold so much love.
And I wonder what happens when it decides not to love anyone anymore.
Maybe that’s when love stops aching… and simply becomes peace. 🌿
Thanks for your response Di and explanation…I knew the fence had been a significant part of you, your loved one, the memories. It was still a connection. To have that happened on that date as well, it seems quite cruel, in an unintentional sense. That week would have been tough enough as it was, without that happening too.
Some changes are just harder than others, what may seem trivial to others, can feel devastating personally. What I can say to you is that by sharing your pain, grief and thoughts is a lot more inspiring than you realise. It takes a bravery that is hugely respected, opening one’s soul and the honesty that goes with it, can only thank you for that. I hope that by doing so, that through your writing, it is therapeutic to an extent and helps someway in the healing process. As said, inspiring.
For your heart to hold so much love, that is fine. It’s still better to have that, than not at all. And there’s a lot who don’t…There may come a time when it will love again, but only at the right time and with the right person. You’ll know yourself when and who that is.
Thanks for your honesty, keep being yourself and for sharing your words.
G.Mac.
Thank you it’s hard but maybe I was a bit dramatic. Now that the fence was done it’s not going to change anything but to move forward.
I really appreciate your comments.